


A River So Long

by msdisdain



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:08:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdisdain/pseuds/msdisdain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Peeta Mellark finds his way home, the last person he expects to see is Katniss Everdeen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A River So Long

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jgem87](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jgem87/gifts).



> I recommend listening to "River" before reading this, if you've never heard it before. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xCov0TYXBp8

After 20 minutes of trying to jam the key into the lock, Peeta had to accept that it just didn't fit. It was snowing; half his worldly possessions were sitting on the sidewalk; and the key Haymitch had mailed him didn't fit in the goddamn lock. He'd been so certain that he'd be able to spend the night in the apartment over the bakery that he'd had the cab bring him there from the train station, and now he couldn't get in.

And of course, because it was his lucky night, his iPhone was displaying a "no service" message. He'd known service would be sketchy back in Panem--it wasn't exactly a big city--and he guessed the near-blizzard was making it worse.

He shoved his suitcases over under the window awning and looked across the street to the bookstore, but there were no lights on. He already knew the pizza place down the block and the offices next door were closed, so he pulled his hat down a little further over his ears and started around the corner. District 12, the bar that inhabited the back of the building that would soon, again, be the Mellark Bakery, was certain to be open even in this sort of weather.

The bar had changed hands several times over the eight years since Peeta had lived in Panem full-time, and he'd forgotten to ask Haymitch who was renting it now, but whether it was someone who knew him or not, he was sure they'd let him use the phone. As he rounded the corner he could see the light from the big front window spilling out onto the snowy sidewalk. He reached out for the door handle and just as he pulled on it, a pile of snow slid off the building's roof and into his face. He stumbled into the bar, cold and temporarily blinded, and the music surrounded him.

A lone guitar, and a woman's voice.

_...you were only waiting for this moment to arise._  
 _Blackbird singing in the dead of night--_  
 _Take these sunken eyes and learn to see._  
 _All your life_  
 _You were only waiting for this moment to be free..._

As he wiped the snow from his eyes in disbelief, a million thoughts and emotions slammed into him at once, and he could do nothing but stand there in the doorway. He stared through the crowd at the one person he had been certain he wouldn't encounter in town.

The two people.

The song came to an end, applause spread through the crowd, and Katniss Everdeen smiled. "Thanks everyone. We'll do something else later, but now it's time for you to all buy some more drinks. I've got a sister on her way to medical school, you know." To a ripple of laughter, she stepped back from the microphone and murmured something to her companion before hopping off the side of the stage and heading across the room towards the bar. 

 _Fucking Haymitch,_ he thought. He’d known Peeta would never have agreed to re-open the bakery if he’d known Katniss was the one renting the bar space that adjoined it. As far as he’d known, Katniss was in New York, singing in small clubs and appearing in off-Broadway shows. He’d been careful—so careful—to avoid Panem whenever he knew she would be home. And now he was here, and she was here, and thanks to the lease he’d just signed, he was pretty sure he was stuck. He began to move backwards toward the door when his eyes met hers across the room.

When her jaw dropped open in shock and her lips formed his name, he knew she had no idea what Haymitch had done.

With a deep sigh, he slowly moved toward the bar.

“You’re back,” she said as he reached the end of the bar where she stood, motionless.

“Haymitch rented me the bakery.”

Shock registered in her eyes again, and she looked away for a moment. He took the time to look at her. It had been six years since he’d walked out of her senior winter recital in fury, and they hadn’t seen each other since. Her hair was a little longer, but she still wore it braided over her shoulder; she was a little thinner than he remembered—but otherwise, she was the girl he’d loved for most of his life. The girl whose memory still kept him from any real relationship. This is why he’d been able to leave his life as an art teacher in Chicago and move home so easily – he had never had any ties but those she had put on him, and once they were gone, he’d been adrift for years. He’d hoped that coming back to his family bakery and becoming a part of Panem again would help to root him, but he hadn’t counted on Haymitch failing to mention that Katniss had clearly done the same thing.

“What are you doing here?” he managed. “Madge said you were in New York.”

Katniss looked back at him, and her eyes clouded over. “It…wasn’t working. Not the way I thought it would. And Prim needed me. So Gale and I moved back together, and Haymitch suggested we turn the bar into a music venue. That was about a year ago.” She swallowed hard. “He didn’t tell you, I’m guessing.”

Peeta shook his head. “No. I’m guessing he didn’t tell you, either.”

Her downcast eyes were answer enough.

“My key doesn’t work. I just need to call him, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“You don’t have to call him. Our back door goes right into the bakery; I just have to open it for you. Hang on, and I’ll grab my keys.”

As she quickly crossed to the other end of the bar, Peeta’s eyes glanced around the room. He caught sight of Gale, standing over by the jukebox on the far wall, watching him with a cold expression.

Because what he needed right now, along with the Katniss Everdeen bomb, was the sight of this asshole.

_But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you_  
 _We are never ever ever getting back together,_  
 _We are never ever ever getting back together,_  
 _You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me_  
 _But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_

As the lyrics of the song Gale had clearly just selected as a personal message hit him, he raised his middle finger to the other man in a timeless salute.

He had to be able to get out of his lease. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t work out of a building where Katniss was working. He couldn’t deal with Gale fucking Hawthorne again. He’d spent a lot of mental energy getting past both of them, and he couldn’t afford to go back to what he liked to think of as the Dark Days.

“I can take you now,” said Katniss quietly from behind him.

 _Fuck you,_ he mouthed to Gale, and then faced her. He nodded, and she turned and headed out from the bar and down a hallway that opened off the side wall. The music got quieter as they walked, and they quickly reached a door, which she unlocked and held open for him.

“I thought this was all blocked off,” he said as the door closed behind him. They were in a short passageway that linked the two businesses together.

“It was,” she said while fumbling with her keyring. Her voice held an air of nervousness, and he tried to ignore it. He tried to ignore everything about her, like he had for almost four years. “But since the bakery’s sat empty for so long, Haymitch gave me a key so that our cook could use the kitchen in case we needed some extra space. Every once in awhile we have a big party and we bring in extra people to help, and the second oven is useful.” She finally got the right key in, and the door swung inward.

Beyond him, he could vaguely make out the edges of the place where he had spent a great deal of his childhood. He stepped past her and through the doorway, his hand instinctively reaching out and flipping the light switch that was on the wall to the left of the door.

And there it was. The (former) (soon to be again) Mellark Bakery kitchen. There was the counter where his father had taught him to knead dough; the oven door where he got his first burn at the age of seven; the door that led to the refrigerator he would soon stock again with supplies.

The large supply pantry where he’d first kissed Katniss.

_"Peeta, I don't see the baking powder," Katniss called from inside the pantry. It was three days before Christmas and they'd decided to bake cookies for some of their teachers. Well, Peeta was baking, and Katniss was fetching and carrying for him.  Peeta crossed the large kitchen and poked his head inside, where he was greeted by the sight of Katniss on her tiptoes, arms stretched over her head, trying to feel what was on the top shelf. Her shirt was riding up, exposing a couple of inches of bare skin; her breasts were straining upward along with her arms._

_He was instantly hard._

_Katniss had been his best friend for years, and he'd wanted it to be more since practically the moment he'd laid eyes on her. But he knew how she felt about relationships, and he'd managed to keep his feelings a secret from her. Now, however, they were about to go off to college together. They had a couple of teachers and counselors who had worked very hard to make sure that Katniss got enough scholarship money to go to the liberal arts college she and Peeta had dreamed of since freshman year. Since the success of the Mellark Bakery's growth into the commercial market, Peeta could afford to go anywhere he wanted._

_He only wanted to go where Katniss was going to be._

_So now they were 18, and in nine months, they'd be several hours from home. Peeta had spent almost a year getting up the courage to tell Katniss how he felt. He didn't think he'd be able to bear having to hear about other guys all through college like he had through high school._

_Quietly, he pulled the door shut behind them and slipped behind her._

_She relaxed her body, turning and starting to call out: "Are you sure--" She let out a yelp of surprise when she saw him standing so close. "Damn you, Peeta! You scared the shit out of me!"_

_He raised his hands and slid them down her arms in what he hoped appeared like a comforting gesture, but was really just an excuse to touch her. "I'm sorry."_

_Did she shiver, or did he imagine it?_

_"You should be," she said, the corners of her mouth lifting up. And he didn't imagine that she stepped a fraction of an inch closer to him. "Did you send me in here on a wild goose chase just to get me alone?"_

_When her eyes dropped to his mouth, then lifted slowly back to his, he knew he was a goner. His fingers flexed on her arms, and their mouths crashed together._

_It was clumsy at first. They'd done this with plenty of other people, but never together. But Peeta tilted his head just slightly and Katniss wound her fingers into his curls, and soon their mouths were fitting together as if they'd been crafted from the same mold. Peeta's pants were getting tighter, and he tried to keep from reflexively thrusting against her. It was Katniss, however, who dropped her hands to his hips and pulled his center to hers, and it was Katniss who moaned first when his cock rubbed against her through their jeans._

_When they finally broke apart, gasping, they were both grinning like fools._

_"Took you long enough, Mellark," she whispered, and his heart burst with joy._

He shook his head slightly, and turned back to face her. “Thanks,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. “I’ll make sure Haymitch gets the key situation straightened out so I don’t have to bother you again.”

Katniss flinched slightly at the coldness in his voice, and shuffled backwards. “Okay. Um…well, you know where everything is, so I’ll leave you alone.”

He just nodded, not trusting himself to say anything more.

“Good night, Peeta,” she said softly, and pulled the door closed as she left.  
And he was alone in the kitchen of his parents’ bakery, with only the ghosts of everything that should have been and would never be surrounding him.

He closed his eyes briefly, then shouldered his backpack and headed for the front door so he could haul in the rest of his stuff before it became buried in the snow. he quickly dragged it inside and left it where it fell--he had what he needed to sleep in his backpack, and he could move the rest of it before Johanna showed up in the morning.

He spent a fitful night in his old bedroom at the top of the stairs, dreaming of the last time he'd seen her.

_. . ._

Katniss walked onto the stage without so much as a glance toward the audience and seated herself on the bench. Her black concert dress clung to her thin frame, and her hair was swept back from her face in a stark, simple bun. Her face was pale but her hands were steady as she held them above the keys for a long moment.

When she lowered them and began to play, however, what came out of the piano wasn't the expected opening bars of "It Might As Well Be Spring."

"What is she doing?" Peeta whispered to Johanna. He didn't recognize the song. Jo, however, did, and wanted to walk up there and kick Katniss's scrawny ass across the stage.

"She's doing what she does best, P--telling a story through a song. I think this one's for you."

Katniss bent her head to the microphone.

_It's coming on Christmas,_  
 _They're cutting down trees._  
 _They're putting up reindeer_  
 _And singing songs of joy and peace,_  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

"What is this song?" 

Johanna just shook her head. "A fucking confession?"

_But it don't snow here,_  
 _It stays pretty green._  
 _I'm gonna make a lot of money_  
 _And then I'm gonna quit this crazy scene._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

_I wish I had a river so long,_  
 _I would teach my feet to fly._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._  
 _I made my baby cry._

Well, if it was a confession, and if it was aimed at him, it certainly fit so far. Katniss had broken their grad school plans and decided to move to New York with Gale and try her hand at music and theatre professionally, citing the desire to start making money as soon as possible.

When Peeta had told her he would apply to a culinary school there, she had told him it wasn't a good idea.

It had only taken a couple of minutes for him to understand what she meant.

_"You don't want me to come."_

_She avoided his gaze and stared out the window. "Johnson and Wales is the best place for you. I don't want you to give up your dream to follow me."_

_He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. She still didn't meet his eyes. "Katniss. The Culinary Institute in New York is one of the best schools in the world. I don't want to spend the next two years in a long-distance relationship."_

_Now she finally raised her eyes. "Neither do I."_

_It took a minute for her meaning to sink in, and when it did, it hit him like a freight train. He felt tears prick at his eyes as he stared down at her. "You're breaking up with me." A thousand emotions crashed into him at once. "What the fuck is going on, Katniss?"_

He was so angry. That was all he could think as he sat there. That, and that she looked so sad. And beautiful. He'd had almost a week for this to sink in, and he still couldn't believe that it was happening. A week ago, he'd been staring down a long, wonderful future with Katniss at his side, just like she'd always been. They'd been getting ready for Christmas and talking about their plans for break, and their plans for next year.

They'd been happy.

Or, at least, he had been.

_he tried hard to help me,_  
 _he put me at ease._  
 _he loved me so naughty,_  
 _made me weak in the knees._  
 _Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

"You don't have to stay for this," Johanna hissed at him. But he couldn't move. 

_It didn't matter how many times he did this--it felt new every time. She tasted new every time. The noises she made alone were almost enough to get him off; the way she chanted his name like he was keeping her alive._

_With the flat of his tongue, he lapped at the juices that were running out of her pussy and down her thighs. Two fingers pumped in and out of her steadily, while his other thumb made hard, tight circles on her clit. He felt like he was going to explode, but he wasn't going to stop until she came._

_"I'm so close..." she groaned from above him._

_"Come for me, baby," he crooned, dropping one hand and sucking her clit into his mouth. She gasped and thrust her hands into his hair, hard, and her hips moved furiously against his face. When she came a minute later, it was with a long scream._

_Her hands were still in his hair, and after she took a few seconds to catch her breath, she pulled his head up to hers. With her tongue she began to clean off his face, and both of them were groaning as she did it._

_"See how good you taste?" he panted. "I love when you fuck my face."_

_"I...mmmmm..." she moaned low in her throat as their tongues tangled for a long moment. "I love when you fuck my mouth," she said, sliding her hand down towards his cock._

_"Not this time," he said, raising himself above her on both arms and capturing her mouth in another fierce kiss. Then he took her right knee in his hand and bent it toward her shoulder. "I'm going to be too busy fucking your pussy." He slid his cock into her in one hard movement, and her eyes rolled back in her head. She braced her hands on his shoulders as he pulled almost all the way out._

_"I'm...okay...with that," she managed as he began to slam into her._

The thought of never making love to Katniss again, of never fucking her again, of never feeling her come apart beneath him again--it was too much. Their relationship had been so much more than sex, but the sex had been so good that he couldn't imagine ever wanting anyone else again.

_I'm so hard to handle,_  
 _I'm selfish and I'm sad._  
 _Now I've gone and lost the best baby_  
 _That I've ever had._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

Next to him, Johanna snorted under her breath. "Hell, she could have written this song." And then her hand intertwined with his, and she held on tight. She was the only thing anchoring him to his moment. He was afraid if she wasn't there, he would break into pieces and float away.

_I wish I had a river so long,_  
 _I would teach my feet to fly._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._  
 _I made my baby say goodbye._

_It's coming on Christmas,_  
 _They're cutting down trees._  
 _They're putting up reindeer_  
 _And singing songs of joy and peace,_  
 _I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

The audience sat, transfixed, as the last of the notes died away. As Katniss got to her feet, her eyes clearly glittering with unshed tears, everyone in the room joined her--including Peeta, who grabbed his backpack and strode out into the theatre lobby. Madge must have been sitting in the back as well, because she followed him out.

"Don't go, Peet."

"Why? Because of that?" he scrubbed both hands across his face and she could see that they were shaking. "Because in one song she handed out more emotion than I got during the four hours it took us to break up?" he shook his head, a bitter chuckle on his lips. "No, fuck that, Madge. I can't anymore." Johanna and Delly had managed to break through the departing crowd and were coming toward them. "I can't live like this. If that was her way of telling me to stay, it's not enough."

"She thinks you're gone already," Delly blurted out.

"That makes it worse." He gave her a hug, and then embraced Madge. "I'll call you." He glanced through the doors that led into the auditorium and he saw Katniss, standing in Gale's embrace. Her back was to him, but he could see in the rigid set of her shoulders that she was upset. Behind Katniss's back, Gale raised his hand to Peeta and gave him the finger.

"I hate that fucker," said Johanna, following his gaze.

"Well, she doesn't, and she's not mine to worry about anymore," he said, and the bitterness in his tone made his own voice almost unrecognizable to his ears. "Come on, Jo."

And he and Johanna walked out of the music building and into the unknown.

_. . ._

Peeta woke with the dawn, lying on his childhood bed as the first rays of light came through the window. Despite everything he'd thought upon first seeing Katniss last night, he knew nothing could push him off his current path. He'd promised his father that he would reopen the family bakery, and honestly, it was what he wanted more than anything in the world right now. Katniss Everdeen was not enough to make him break his promise to his dad.

Gale Hawthorne might be, though. God, he hated that fucker.

_"So let me make sure I understand this correctly. You're breaking up with me to make some sort of fresh fucking start in the Big Apple, but you're taking Hawthorne with you?" Of all the things she'd told him over the last two and a half hours, all the words that she'd stabbed into his heart, this was the first that truly enraged him. "Is this the real reason you're dumping me? Are you fucking him, Katniss?"_

_She slapped him then, and he chuckled mirthlessly. "Yeah. How dare I ask that? It's not like you're breaking my heart without any sort of well-articulated reason and then moving hundreds of miles away with another guy. Why the hell would I think you were cheating on me?"_

_"I'm not cheating on you, Peeta," she bit out._

_"I wish you were. At least then I'd understand."_

Peeta pushed up from the bed and reached for yesterday's clothes. He'd be spending the whole day cleaning, and it wasn't like he had anyone to impress here. His phone buzzed with a text, and he glanced over to see it was from Jo.

WHERE IS THIS FUCKING PLACE?

She always texted in caps, like a serial killer.

Where are you?

NEVER MIND THERE'S SOMEONE DOWN THE BLOCK. I'LL GET DIRECTIONS.

He pulled his shirt over his head, slid his feet into his sneakers and descended the stairs to unlock the door. He'd spent about ten minutes rooting around in his bags for the coffee maker and was just pulling out his phone to call her when she burst  through the door, snow from her boots flying everywhere.

"What the fuck, Mellark?"

"Hi to you too," he said, pulling her in for a quick one-armed hug. "I would have given you directions if you'd asked."

"No, not that, asshole. Why did I just run into Gale fucking Hawthorne on the street?"

Peeta sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "Oh. That."

"Yeah, that. Don't tell me she's here too."

"She runs District 12--the bar at the back of the building that I told you about. I guess he helps or something, or maybe they own it together. I didn't bother to ask her last night."

Johanna scowled at him, taking off her heavy coat and slinging it over a chair. "You knew last night and you didn't call me?"

"I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I'm not sure what Haymitch was thinking, not telling me, and I wasn't sure I could do this with her nearby. But I promised my dad, and I'm not going to let her chase me away."

"Damn right," Jo agreed, the scowl deepening. "Want me to go kick her ass?"

Peeta smiled a little. "Not today. But...maybe Gale's?"

"Sure. You know I hate that fucker." She grabbed his hand and squeezed, hard, and his smile grew. He honestly didn't know what he would have done over the years since college if it hadn't been for Johanna's friendship. She had saved him, over and over. He had done the same for her, but she'd always been the stronger of their duo. He'd been so happy when she'd agreed to quit her marketing job and move to Panem with him to manage the bakery so he could concentrate on baking.

"So," she said, swinging their hands a little. "What you're telling me is that there's a bar within walking distance of this place, but it's run by the girl who tore your heart into teeny, tiny pieces, peed on them, and set them on fire, so we can't even go there to get drunk."

"Yep."

Jo shook her head in disgust. "That fucking sucks, Peet."

"Totally fucking does."

. . .

He tried to stay away. 

He and Jo spent the next couple of days giving the place a complete cleaning before the painters arrived to freshen the walls. Then the new kitchen equipment was delivered, and he got a preliminary shipment of supplies so he could get used to the feel of the new oven. He'd painted MELLARK BAKERY: REOPENING JANUARY 2013 on the front window, and slowly, word spread around town. Friends of his parents stopped in to greet him, to wish him well, to gaze curiously at Johanna and her tattooed arms and pink hair. 

He continued to sleep in his old bedroom, giving her his parents' old room despite her protestations. They ate breakfast in the bakery, but for lunch and dinner they experimented with the local restaurants and delivery options. 

And finally, the only place within walking distance that they hadn't tried was District 12.

"We can't avoid it forever, P."

"We've only been avoiding it for a week and a half, Jo."

"It's Christmas Eve."

"And you want me to spend it in my ex-girlfriend's bar? What happened to 'we can't get drunk there'?"

Johanna shrugged. "I found out I had to spend Christmas alone?"

Peeta staggered back, pulling an invisible arrow from his heart. "Ouch." Jo smacked his arm.

"You know what I mean. Come on. We'll sit in the back, we'll eat some bar food, we'll pound some Merry Christmas shots and then we'll stumble home. Maybe if you're nice to me, I'll even punch Hawthorne for you."

He sighed, and caved. "Okay. One hour. If you're not drunk enough in an hour, you're going to have to finish the process back here."

. . .

Fortunately District 12 was incredibly crowded. If they were lucky, they might get in and out unseen. They squeezed into a table in a back corner and lucked into a waitress spotting them right away.

"Here's the menu, and I'll be right back to...Peeta?"

He glanced up from the table. "Prim?"

The gangly kid he had once known had grown into a beautiful woman, her blonde hair braided over her shoulder in a version of Katniss's signature style. She bent down and threw her arms around him. "What the hell are you doing here? I didn't know you and Katniss were back in touch."

"They're not," drawled Johanna. "Peeta came home to reopen the bakery, and Haymitch left out a few vital facts."

Prim's face hardened a little as she stared down at Jo. "And you came with him?"

"At his invitation."

Peeta tried to steer Prim's attention away from Jo's presence. "So you're going to medical school?"

The younger girl brightened. "Next fall! I'm so excited. I keep telling Katniss she doesn't have to work this hard, but she's determined to make it happen for me." Her brow furrowed. "Have you talked to her?"

"Once. The night I got back."

"She didn't tell me. Of course, I just got home this morning and it's been so busy that I've been in this apron ever since." She glanced around and saw a couple of hands raised in her direction. "Let me grab those tables and I'll be right back with some water." She moved to walk away, and then put a hand on Peeta's shoulder. "It's really good to see you." And ignoring Johanna entirely that time, she strode away.

"Glad to see Primrose got the Everdeen charm," Jo smirked.

"What the fuck are you two doing here?" an all-too-familiar voice growled, and they both looked up again, this time to see Gale Hawthorne scowling down at them.

"Fuck off, Hawthorne," Peeta said tiredly. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing, coming back here with your wife and upsetting everything Katniss has worked her ass off to build?"

Jo and Peeta both looked down at the gold band on her finger and burst into laughter. "God, Hawthorne, you're even dumber than you were all those times you got drunk and came on to me at college. First of all, note the lack of a ring on Peeta's hand. Second, remember all those times you saw me making out with Madge? It wasn't to get your prick all hard so you'd fuck me. It's because I'm a lesbian, asshole, and so is Madge. We got married last year."

When Gale just gaped at her, clearly at a loss for words, she kept going. "And Peeta promised his dad that he'd reopen the family bakery, so Madge and I are moving here to help. She had to make a last business trip for her old company first, not that it's any of your business, you sanctimonious fuckwit. Haymitch neglected to mention that you and Tweedledee were running the bar now." She could see Prim approaching cautiously, two glasses of water in her hands. "So if you're done with this episode of 'Out of Line Assholes,' we'd like to have some fucking dinner."

When Gale stormed away, Jo laughed so hard she snorted. "That was satisfying."

. . .

He made it through dinner, and dessert, and four very strong drinks. 

He made it until she seated herself at the piano and announced that she'd gotten too many requests for this next song to turn it down. He wondered why she sounded nervous until she played the first bars.

Over the years he'd heard many versions of "River." None were as beautiful as Katniss's was in the memory that tormented him, but each one brought the hurt back.

"I'm sorry, Jo...I can't..." And he shoved back from the table and was gone. Jo flagged Prim down for the check and paid as quickly as she could, but she was still able to see Katniss watch Peeta leave. She threw her coat on and went outside, where she found him with his forehead pressed up against a wall.

"Why can't I forget her, Jo?" she could barely hear him. "Why the fuck can't I love someone else?" she could hear tears in his voice, and she wrapped her arms around him from the back and held on tight. "Maybe I can't do this."

"Yes you can. You won't do any of it alone," she whispered, hugging him fiercely. "This is where you belong too."

She could feel him struggling to get himself under control, and she held on until she was sure that the only reason he was now shaking was because of the cold. "Come on. Let's go home, okay?"

As he nodded and she released her arms, someone cleared their throat behind them.

_Katniss._

They both turned slowly around to face her. With a look, Johanna asked Peeta if he wanted her to stay, and he shook his head slightly. She squeezed his shoulder, glared at Katniss, and headed for the bakery.

"What do you want, Katniss?"

"I want Mellark bread in the baskets at the bar. I want your brownies at the bottom of our dessert sundae. I want to be able to stop avoiding you."

"I don't know if those things are possible," he said quietly. 

"Can you think about it?"

He nodded, and turned to follow Jo's footsteps around the corner.

"I know you were there," she blurted out. She watched his shoulders tense, and stumbled on. "At my recital. I saw you leave."

He stood, frozen, for a long moment, and then shook his head slightly. "That was a long time ago."

"I know. I know it was."

"Then why are you even bringing it up?"

"Because I wanted to come after you."

He turned, very slowly, to face her. "Then why didn't you?" He could hear the old pain creeping into his voice. Damnit, he should be over this by now. Why wasn't he over this?

"Gale talked me out of it," she whispered.

He stared at her for a long time, then snorted. "I hate that fucker," he said.

The ends of Katniss's mouth lifted slightly. "He hates you too."

Peeta scrubbed a hand over his face. "Katniss. Why are you telling me this?" He could see her eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

"I don't know," she admitted, and looked away.

He sighed. "Jo's waiting for me. I need to go."

She nodded, blinking hard. "Me too. I promised to sing again." She turned to go, and so did he, but she said his name again, and he turned back.

"Yeah?"

She walked rapidly forward, raised her chin, and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Merry Christmas," she whispered, and then hurried back into the bar.

He stood there for a long time after, the feeling of her lips still burning on his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Katniss."

**Author's Note:**

> "Blackbird" is my favorite Beatles song. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BrxZhWCAuQw
> 
> "It Might As Well Be Spring" is from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical STATE FAIR. The original version will always be my favorite because the mood is perfect: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rAj60edvPtU And another version, by the exquisite Audra McDonald: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ9ODPNiGSE
> 
> "River" is originally by Joni Mitchell: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xCov0TYXBp8 I actually collect versions of this song. This version is closer to what I think Katniss might sound like: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-aB_YFW4-fU And I love this one by Sixpence None the Richer: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KNHRaApcQEs
> 
> I'm assuming you all know who sings "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."


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